In a miraculous turn of events the Vatican announced this afternoon a miracle had occured in New York City on Easter morning. At approximately 10:15am Kirsten MacMillan of the borough of Brooklyn says she witnessed the resurrection of the Chocolate Jesus. HALLELUJAH! HE HAS RISEN!
Update: There haven’t been any further sitings as of yet but we are sure there will be many.
“I don’t understand Dick, I thought Barack Obama hated me. What? Really? Well they all look alike to me.”
After 6 weeks of flirting and heavy petting with the American public, Senate Democrats were COCK BLOCKED by Senate Republicans. Senate Republicans have used a procedural vote known as a “cock block” to stop a nonbinding resolution opposing President Bush’s plans.
Majority Leader Reid expressed disappointment that the resolution was blocked, saying, “We had assurances we would get a chance to finally please America the way she wants. Not just stick it to her the way the Republicans have been sticking it to her for the last 6 years.” Reid stated he believed he had assurances from Senator McConnell last week that Republicans would allow this to happen. Reid vowed that Senate Democrats would not abandon pursuing the favors of the American people, “We know what America wants. We know how to satisfy her desires.”
The Mark Foley scandal, which last fall threatened to kill the congressional page program, has had the opposite effect: Interest from teenagers in the program is on the upswing. Across the country children everywhere are looking to Lewinsky themselves into a life of fame and fortune.
“Since the Foley scandal, there’s been more interest from the general public calling about it, and there’s been even more interest from members of congress on how they go about nominating someone for the program,” said Drew Hammill, a spokesman for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s office, which handles questions about the House page program.
“I don’t think this will be surprising,” Hammill added. “But as of this year we have dropped the Swimsuit category from the page program application process.”
Turns out my cousin George W. really does have a solid plan with his 21,500 troop surge. He’s been calling it a “surge” cause he meant they were to side with the inSURGEncy. By placing 21,500 US troops with the insurgency “We can’t lose”, he’s been overheard as saying, “ANY attack in Iraq is now a victory for America.” Now that sir is some damn genius thinking, my hat is off to you. Way to put the surge in insurgency, cuz. Go ahead take another vacation. You deserve it.
Vice President Dick Cheney experienced a Freudian slip of sorts today when asked by reporters if he was excited about the upcoming birth of his grandchild to openly gay daughter Mary Cheney and her life partner, “Excited?!?”, the Vice President proclaimed, “I cant wait to see the little dyke!” Ooooops…
Senator Barack Obama officially declared his candidacy for the 2008 Presidency today in Illinois. During the press conference he was asked to comment on rival Senator Joe Biden to which he replied, “I mean, you’ve got the first mainstream Anti-African American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” Candidate Obama went on to say, “Yeah, when I was little my grandfather used to read me that storybook before bed, I think it was called ‘Curious George and the man in the White sheet’.
Barack Obama prans to announce 2008 poritical future in Irrinois rater tomorrow. He intends to stand outside Irrinois’ Old State Capitol on Saturday, a building inderibly rinked to Abraham Rincoln.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi arrives at the White House for a meeting with President Bush.
For the uncensored version click here… http://harrysbush.com/2007/02/07/hello-world/
Johnny “Ambulance Chaser” Edwards already having trouble raising funds for his 2008 Presidential run, announced today he may be Anna Nicole Smith’s baby daddy. “A little over a year ago Elizabeth and I ‘took a break’ and Anna Nicole and I began a beautiful and very loving 2 and a half week relationship”, AC Edwards told reporters. Later today Edwards is expected to submit his DNA for paternity results.
